5 Tips for Opening Up About Sex in Couples Therapy
Even if you and your partner are on the same page about couples therapy, you might be putting off actually setting up an appointment because you’re worried you’ll have to open up about certain topics.
Let’s face it, talking about sex openly isn’t always easy. Discussing it with a “stranger” — even a therapist — can be difficult. But sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. If you’re having issues in the bedroom or other problems in your relationship are affecting your sex life, it’s important to talk about it.
Having to talk about sex shouldn’t be the reason you avoid couples therapy. Let’s cover a few tips you can use to open up and feel comfortable about discussing your sex life in this safe and neutral setting.
1. Express Your Feelings
If you’re nervous or uncomfortable opening up about sex in therapy, let your therapist know. Some people are more willing to be open than others, and that’s okay. Establishing a baseline of your comfort level will give your therapist a better idea of how to bring up sexual topics in a way that doesn’t cause you to close yourself off.
Furthermore, you might find that when you express how you feel about the topic, some of the weight goes away. When you realize that nothing “bad” happens as you talk about your feelings, you might see that talking about sex won’t be as difficult as you originally thought.
2. Be Patient
Couples therapy is meant to be a safe space for both partners. Don’t force yourself to open up about sex until you’re ready. Additionally, don’t push your partner to talk about it.
Let your therapist guide you through questions and conversations. When you’re patient with yourself and your partner, conversations about sex will happen more naturally.
3. Don’t Judge
Even if you’re comfortable opening up about sex, your partner might not be. That could be a problem in your relationship that is brought to light in therapy. So, it’s important to make sure your partner feels like they won’t be judged or criticized when it comes to their feelings or their needs.
As you encourage your partner to open up about sex, make sure you’re nonjudgmental in your responses. It’s not easy to be vulnerable. When you treat them with respect and aim to understand their feelings, they’ll be encouraged to keep talking.
4. Be Open
One of the worst things you can do when talking about sex in couples therapy is to tiptoe around the subject. Doing so will make it harder for you to fully express your needs.
Instead, commit to being open about your true feelings. Your innermost thoughts regarding your sexual relationship should be brought to the forefront of your conversation. It can be scary, at first, but it’s the best way to work through issues surrounding your sex life without causing confusion.
5. Stay Curious
No matter how long you’ve been in a relationship, it’s okay to be curious about sex. If there are specific questions you have about your sex life, therapy is the perfect place to bring them up.
You should also stay curious about your partner’s sexual behaviors and beliefs. What are their needs and wants? What are their likes and dislikes? Staying curious will make the conversation flow more naturally, and you’ll be more likely to keep talking about sex in healthy ways long after you finish couples therapy.
A healthy sex life should be a part of your relationship, and that means it’s okay to talk about. If you’re interested in learning more about couples therapy or you’re ready to open up and start digging into these important conversations, contact me to set up an appointment.