Identifying 5 Common Communication Mistakes and Ways to Address Them in Your Relationship

Having effective communication habits is one of the biggest foundational pieces to the puzzle of having a healthy relationship. Unfortunately, many couples often fall victim to communication mistakes and pitfalls that can cause separation.

Being able to recognize when these patterns are happening will allow you to take action towards correcting them. Communication is always going to be a work in progress, but it should be a journey that not only keeps you on track, but also brings you closer together.

Here are five common communication mistakes couples make and strategies to address them with your partner.

1. Poor Listening Habits

One natural habit that many people have is forming responses while the other person is still speaking. Rather than hearing everything that is being said, the response becomes an interruption. There’s a solution or opinion offered without fully grasping what the other person is conveying.

Practicing active listening skills is the way to counter this issue. This involves giving your partner full and undivided attention while allowing them to finish talking. Make eye contact and show engagement. Reflect on what you’ve heard before speaking. Then paraphrase their thoughts to demonstrate understanding. Doing so will allow your partner to feel heard and understood.

2. Avoiding Having the Hard Conversations

No one likes conflict, and it’s human nature to try to avoid things that make us uncomfortable. For this reason, many couples avoid discussing the challenging topics that can lead to disagreement. Making that list includes financial matters, intimacy concerns, and future goals—to name a few. People avoid discussing them with the hopes that they will just work their way out in time.

When left unaddressed, however, these issues can cause problems in other ways. One key to more effective communication is to have the hard discussions. Be mindful of the right time and place where both of you can be present and are in a calm state of mind. When diving into a hard subject, try framing the conversation with “I” statements rather than an accusing tone that points a finger at the other person.

3. Neglecting Positive Conversation

Life gets busy, and it's easy to get into an ebb-and-flow routine. You’re juggling work, family life, social events, and adult responsibilities. It’s easy to take your partner for granted without even realizing you’re doing it. The focus gets placed on things that need to get done or concerns that are needing resolution.

To improve this, you’ll want to make a concerted effort to express positive affirmations or gratitude to your partner. Establish a daily routine to connect with your partner and share something positive that shows your appreciation. This will help bring you two closer together and connect on a deeper level.

4. Falling into Harmful Communication Patterns

There are certain patterns that can be especially harmful to relationships, like criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling. They create a negative cycle of communication and interaction that can be hard to get out of.

Instead, you can address these patterns by doing some self-reflection. If you feel triggered or notice yourself getting heated in a negative way, give yourself a moment to collect your thoughts and calm down first. Be respectful, offer constructive dialogue, and accept responsibility when appropriate.

5. Making Assumptions

One of the more problematic communication mistakes involves making assumptions about what your partner is thinking and feeling. Assumptions involve projecting our own issues onto a situation rather than having all the facts. Oftentimes, this leads to misunderstandings and bigger conflict.

To address this, you should practice being open and curious about your partner’s point of view. Ask questions and explore their experiences. This willingness to learn their perspective can break this cycle.

Improving communication requires practice and some effort on both sides. If you’re having a difficult time recognizing patterns or figuring out how to break them, couples therapy can be a great tool.

Contact us to schedule a consultation to start your journey to more effective communication.