Relationship Conflicts: How to Handle Disagreements in a Healthy Way

When you think of a healthy relationship, disagreeing with your partner probably isn’t the first thing that comes to mind. But even the healthiest, happiest couples disagree. 

It’s how you disagree that makes a difference. 

Yes, there are healthy ways to argue. When you choose to disagree with your partner the right way, you can actually end up strengthening your bond and improving your relationship, rather than tearing each other down. 

Of course, in the heat of the moment, handling disagreements in a healthy way can seem easier said than done. With that in mind, let’s cover a few strategies you can use to make sure you’re arguing effectively. 

Be an Active Listener

Communication is a two-way street—even when you’re disagreeing about something. One of the biggest mistakes couples tend to make when arguing is not listening to what their partner has to say. 

You might only want to see things from your perspective, but you’ll never get anywhere with that attitude. Healthy disagreements always lead with respect. That means it’s essential to listen to your partner’s opinion and their feelings. You might learn something you didn’t realize before. Even if you still don’t agree with them, it’s easier to come to a compromise and empathize with them when you choose to be an active listener. 

Eliminate distractions while you listen and give them your full attention. Ask questions, use body language that lets them know you’re listening, and repeat words and phrases if you need to. When you choose to respectfully listen, they’re likely to do the same. 

Stay in the Present

When you’re in the middle of an argument, it’s easy to want to bring up past hurts. Unfortunately, that’s likely to escalate things further. If you bring up something that happened in the past, it lets your partner know that you haven’t forgiven them and you’re holding a grudge. 

Stay focused on the disagreement at hand. If something else is bothering you, choose to discuss it at a later time. 

Use “I” Statements

If you only focus on what your partner is doing wrong, they’re likely to feel attacked. That will cause them to become defensive, and it will make it difficult for the disagreement to get resolved. 

Instead of playing the blame game with your partner, use “I” statements to tell them how you feel. 

Try something like “I feel like my feelings aren’t valid when you walk away from a conversation,” or “I feel hurt when you keep canceling our plans.” 

Your partner doesn’t want to hurt you or make you feel bad. They might not realize how impactful their actions are, so don’t hesitate to talk about your feelings. Not only will it help to resolve conflict, but it will give them permission to open up, too. 

Find Common Ground

Remember that you and your partner are on the same team. You don’t have to agree about everything to recognize that you care about each other and don’t want to hurt each other. 

If you choose to show love and respect throughout your disagreements, it will be easier to find some common ground. Usually, you’ll find that your ideas aren’t as far apart as they originally seem. Choose to compromise as often as possible. When it’s not an option, continue to lead with respect and find a solution that works for the good of your relationship. 

If you’re still struggling with relationship conflicts, consider working with a mental health professional. Counseling can be a great way to learn how to communicate more openly and effectively. It can also help you and your partner recognize negative communication patterns in your relationship. 

Please contact me if you’re ready to learn more or if you want to set up an appointment for couples counseling soon.