5 Ways to Identify Narcissistic Abuse in a Relationship

Most people would probably say they could spot signs of physical abuse, but not all abuse is that obvious in a relationship. 

When your partner is a narcissist, they can often be much more likely to abuse you emotionally and mentally, rather than laying a hand on you. While any kind of abuse is abhorrent, narcissistic abuse can leave lasting emotional scars that can impact future relationships, friendships, your career, and even the way you see yourself. 

But it’s not always easy to identify unless you know what to look for. That’s especially true if you’re somewhat “blinded” by your love for your abuser. 

With that in mind, let’s look at a few ways to identify narcissistic abuse in a relationship.

1. Gaslighting

Gaslighting has become a more commonly known term in recent years, but it’s so much more than just a buzzword. 

If you dare to call out a narcissist’s bad behavior or abuse, they are often experts in turning things around and somehow placing the blame on you. They might simply say you’re lying, that you’re misinterpreting what’s going on, or they might pretend they don’t remember exactly what you’re talking about. 

Gaslighting is a dangerous form of abuse. It can cause you to doubt yourself and crush your self-esteem if you let it go on.

2. Love Bombing

Have you ever seen someone in an abusive relationship and wondered why they stayed so long? When it comes to narcissists inflicting emotional abuse, it’s largely because the negative actions are often overshadowed by things like love bombing. 

Love bombing occurs when your partner showers you with affection, compliments, and attention. They treat you like a king or queen, telling you exactly what you want to hear so they can earn your trust. 

Unfortunately, this is just a manipulation tactic to help them gain control and to make it harder to leave the relationship. 

3. Walking on Eggshells

You should be comfortable in your relationship. There might be times of tension, but overall, you shouldn’t feel like there’s a constant sense of uncertainty. 

Narcissistic abusers are often unpredictable. You might not know how they’re going to behave or who you’re going to come home to. That kind of tension wreaks havoc on your mental well-being. You’ll likely be anxious more often than not, which fuels the cycle and allows them to have more control over you.

4. Constant Criticism

It’s normal for your partner to complain sometimes (and vice versa). You’re not going to like everything the other person does. 

But, when you’re dealing with constant nitpicking and criticism, it’s a different story. 

Narcissists will often find ways to criticize everything about you, from what you’re wearing to how you style your hair, even to a comment you made a few hours ago. Again, this can do a lot of damage to your self-esteem and make you more likely to stay in the relationship because you feel weak and worthless on your own.

5. A Lack of Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are essential in a relationship. But even if you’ve tried to set them up with a narcissistic partner, they’re likely to be ignored. If you try to reinforce your boundaries, your partner might get angry or try to gaslight you into thinking you’re wrong. 

Everyone deserves to have boundaries that make them feel safe. If your partner isn’t willing to stick to those boundaries, consider it a red flag. 

Narcissistic behavior isn’t likely to change on its own. If you’ve talked to your partner about how you feel and they don’t take responsibility or express their willingness to change, the best thing to do might be to simply leave the relationship. 

It’s also important to take control of your mental well-being if you’ve been dealing with a narcissist. Therapy can help you re-discover who you are and give you the support and self-esteem you need to move forward to the next chapter of your life. If you’ve been dealing with narcissistic abuse for too long, don’t hesitate to contact me for an appointment for couples or trauma therapy.