Understanding a Trauma Bond: Common Signs Explained
Trauma bonding is more than just an attachment to an abuser. It is a deep, powerful, emotional connection that is often very cyclical, which makes it hard to escape. Trauma bonding is often characterized by periods of abuse, followed by intermittent reinforcement. That usually includes things like positivity and love bombing.
Unfortunately, this cycle can be incredibly confusing for the person being abused. That’s why trauma bonds aren’t always easy to identify.
However, there are some common signs to pay attention to. If you think you might be in a trauma-bonded relationship or know someone who is, let’s take a closer look at some of those signs.
When Does Trauma Bonding Occur?
Before we dive into some of the common signs of trauma bonds, it’s important to know some of the situations where it typically occurs. Many people believe that trauma bonding has to occur in a romantic partnership. While that’s certainly one of the most common occurrences, people can also develop trauma bonds through child abuse, incest, elder abuse, and even human trafficking or kidnapping.
Mental health issues, lack of a support system, or even unstable living situations can all increase a person’s risk of ending up in a relationship tarnished by trauma bonding.
What Are the Signs?
Trauma bonding can look different in every relationship, which is another reason it can be hard to identify. However, some common signs tend to filter through nearly every type of trauma-bonded relationship.
One of the clearest signs of trauma bonding is the cycle of abuse. Someone might inflict emotional, physical, or sexual abuse on an individual and then “love bomb” them the next moment. They might apologize, vow to never do anything harmful again, or promise to do whatever it takes to restore the relationship.
This cycle creates a lot of tension and confusion. It can make the person being abused constantly wonder if things could change for the better, so it keeps them on a string.
Excuses for Bad Behavior
Because of that sense of hope, the person being abused in a relationship might find themselves making excuses for their abuser. They can lose their sense of identity and start placing blame on themselves for everything. They might start to avoid family members and friends, isolating themselves to only be with their abuser.
Unfortunately, this perpetuates the cycle, as well. It weakens the victim’s support system and can make the abuser’s job much easier.
The Trouble With Leaving
It’s not uncommon for people in trauma-bonded relationships to feel like they can’t leave. Again, they might wonder if things could really change for the better. A sense of false hope can go a long way in a relationship, especially when there’s plenty of love bombing going on.
Unfortunately, if the abuse has been going on for a long time, the victim might not know how to live without their abuser. Because their identity has been stripped away, they might not know who they are without that relationship, no matter how harmful it is. It’s like a security blanket they can’t let go of, even if it’s hurting them to keep holding on.
What Can You Do?
Do these signs sound familiar? Trauma bonding isn’t always easy to recognize when you’re in the thick of it. But, if you’ve been dealing with this kind of abuse for a while, it’s not too late to escape.
You’re already taking the first step by recognizing there’s a problem. Now, it’s time to recognize your self-worth and start building resilience. Lean on your support system and don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help. Trauma therapy can help you find the confidence needed to escape the relationship and deal with the emotions that are likely to follow.